So I spent last night up at the Webster Theater in Hartford at the 30 Seconds to Mars concert. I've never been to the Webster before so this was a new adventure. Not to mention that it's been over a decade since my last official rock concert - Pearl Jam I believe that one was, not one of my favorites but my brother's girlfriend at the time's mother wouldn't let her go without "adult" supervision- lol. So I went and it was a wild show.
But back to last night. I was very excited about the show, but at the same time my own insecurities came out in force. I was insecure because a) I was going alone, bringing to the forefront my lack of the simple social skill of having friends; b) I'm 38 (almost 39) years old and attending a concert by a band whose primary fan demographic are people that I am old enough to be their mother; and c) I'm really not a cool person, I've never been one of the "cool" people, and I'm petrified of making a fool of myself.
A year ago those insecurities would have kept me home last night. But I've been working on forcing myself out of my hermit comfort zone and back into the land of the living. It's not easy. I've been trying to remember being a outgoing and friendly person, someone that used to love to go out on a Friday night and dance and drink and have a great time. I used to be a fun person and it makes me sad that I'm not anymore.
Anywho... the concert itself was awesome, and intense, and the next 30STM show I go to, I'm so wearing my Chucks and leaving my purse at home and joining in with the crazy people on the floor in front jumping and stomping. I figure five vodka tonics will be
enough liquid courage to accomplish this. The two bands that opened for 30STM were great - a local band called Waking Elliot and a group from Australia called Violent Soho. I'm really liking both and will be looking for more tunes by both of them. 30STM did not disappoint not at all. It was super-high energy and I was really pleasantly surprised that the sound quality itself was really good, a lot of live shows are loud and all, but the sound is not so good, this was. The music lover in me was very pleased.
On a side note- Shannon Leto is a phenomenal percussionist, he is simply stunning to watch. I don't think on their videos (maybe excepting Closer to the Edge footage) where they slow down the action that you really get a good sense of his dexterity, speed, and ability. His hands move so fast at times you can't keep up with them with your eyes. I would love to just sit and listen to him play a jam session, it would be incredible- and more than a little primal.
I did have a few, well for lack of a better word, odd, well maybe interesting is the better word, social interactions last night. One was a guy in his forties up in the bar area that was there with his two teenage sons. We talked for a bit about different shows we've been to. He was a nice guy. And, lol, he thought I was 28!! That bears repeating: 28! That right there was what you call a wonderful ego boost. He looked honestly shocked when I told him that 2 needed to be a 3.
I met another guy that was there escorting his teen-aged niece (who was an absolute riot in and of her Chucks and Garbage Pail Kids t-shirt wearing self) and her friend. He was entirely too buff and tan for his own good and was just painfully gorgeous and wearing jeans and a black t-shirt that, seriously folks, looked like they were painted on. We met when I was getting my third Red Bull of the night, he commented that he liked my bracelet (it's two thin braided black leather strips with rainbow glass seed beads woven between them) and asked where I bought it. He was disappointed when I told him that I had made it myself. As we were talking my attention was drawn to the black leather collar on his neck. He answered my unspoken question with a nod and a blush (I kid you not- it was utterly charming). We found a quiet spot out of the flux of bodies at the bar and talked for a few minutes. He's in a long-term, exclusive D/s relationship and he and his partner are getting married in January. Frank, if you by some means find this blog- I wish you both the very very best!
The last interaction that really stuck out in my head was by far the one that made me blush and I gotta tell you, I don't blush easily. But there was a woman, about 32-33ish, blonde, extremely pretty in a very wholesome outdoorsy sort of way. She was flirting with me very hard, and she was amazingly self-confident. If I had been single I would have totally gone home with her last night. I was very, very attracted to her. She was disappointed when I told her I was married. She's not the first woman that I've been attracted to in my life, I've long come to terms with my pansexuality, and she's not the first woman I've turned down since I've been married, but this was the first time that I really felt a twinge of regret.
For anyone still reading and/or interested, my entire sexual history has been heterosexual in nature and I have been in a monogamous relationship with my husband since 1997. That being said, I consider myself to be pansexual (which to me means that I am attracted to individuals and not a specific gender or gender identity). I'm also polyamorous by nature, but obviously monogamous by choice. I'm very free and accepting when it comes to human sexuality. I would probably have done well living in a poly commune.
Anyway, back to the concert... I actually felt awesome about my appearance last night. I was rocking a new pair of black size 14 jeans and my favorite boots and a favorite black stretch lace top that showed off my boobs rather nicely. It was the first time I've worn anything that fit that well or so sexy in well over a decade. And that's sad, because I used to wear clothes like that all the time. And though I've always been plus-sized I used to feel sexy and attractive and like there wasn't a man out there whose attention I couldn't get if I really wanted it.
My hair even decided to cooperate last night, and it lasted the entire night. I'm officially emptying my medicine cabinet of all the multitude of hair products in there except for what I used last night. The combo just worked and that was a big ol'hallelujah on my part- my hair is infamous for having a freaking mind of its own.
I've been trying out some new eye makeup styles (I hadn't really updated mine since... oh, um... 1992ish lol) and I've got some great new products that I want to write up reviews for so I won't go into too much detail here. I did laugh my ass off in the restroom at the Webster- under those damn florescent lights I literally looked like a vampire. SO freakin' pale. I felt like I was one step away from being a Geisha (sigh... they are so beautiful and graceful... but I digress). I wish I could say that I need to get outside more and get some sun, but I have been getting quite a bit this year, I'm just maniacal about putting on sunscreen as I am the poster child for potential melanoma (light skin, light eyes, more than 3 blistering sunburns in my life, don't tan, yada yada yada).
So I think this blog entry has gotten wayyyy out of hand and I just close it out by saying that an awesome time was had by one and all last night.
Peace and love,
~Cyn
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